The number two thing you have to do new you get a house is sign a whole lot of stuff you only mostly understand.  (The number one thing you have to do is be willing to get into staggering debt.)  And you sign knowing that every word in every paragraph was written to protect someone other than you for an event that possibly no one can control.

For example, our homeowner’s insurance policy makes a point to define “three volcanic eruptions taking place in a 24-hour period as a single volcanic eruption event.”  I take this to mean that if my house is damaged by three volcanic eruptions in a single day, I can only file one claim.  Lest I take unfair advantage of the system.  Let me emphasize that the insurance company has gone out of their way to include this information in their policy. So, if my house is melted by lava, I need to hope that the next eruption takes at least a day to hit.  Am I to understand that they’ve been burned in the past by clients hitting them up for damages from three separate volcanic eruptions?  And this happened so often they needed to include the clause in all future policies?  Suddenly I am more frightened that I ought to be of both my insurance company and the Earth’s volatile magma chambers.

I’m sure there are some other wonderful things in this policy.  I’ll post more later.

Now I’m looking at the waiver I need to sign for the flooring contractors before they can work on refinishing the floors.  I have to initial a statement that “Wood is a product of nature and therefore may have some natural imperfections.”  Luckily for them I am willing to stipulate natural phenomena.