1. Signal strength indicator. Shows access to the data network, unless you are moving, indoors, or outside a major metropolitan area of the United States. Also shows access to the phone network, which drops to zero when call is placed.
2. Volume buttons. Conveniently located except when phone is in use.
3. Battery indicator. Reads 100% full unless the phone has been used, in which case it turns red and requires recharging.
4. Voice activator. Placed in a position that will guarantee repeated accidental use. Never used on purpose.
5. E-mail application that duplicates all of your Gmail messages.
6. Browser application. Generally crashes immediately upon use.  Occasionally loads 99% of page, then crashes.
7. Other primary applications. Never used.
8. Access to all applications. Use to access Blackberry store to search for apps. Abandon search when no suitable apps with better than 2-star user reviews are located.
9. Button of mystery. Function unknown.
10. Cancel button. Uses: (1) Press once to end call. (2) Punch hard to cancel crashed applications.  (3) Frantically press repeatedly to cancel voice control [see #4] before anything weird happens.
11. Scroll wheel.  Occasionally fails to scroll up.  Chance of complete eventual failure: 100%.
12. Receive call button.  Never used. 🙁
13. Keyboard. Conveniently designed to press as many keys as possible simultaneously.

A Flintstone Christmas

A standard Christmas special plotline in cartoons is that Santa needs help, so the familiar characters help, and it’s the best Christmas ever.  That’s pretty much what happens here.  Santa sprains his ankle on Fred’s roof, so Fred and Barney are called into action to save Christmas.  Turns out it’s pretty easy to do: the reindeer know where to go, the sleigh is magic, the toy bag is magic.  They have a mishap and accidentally dump all the toys out over China, so they radio Santa (of course his sleigh has a CB, in prehistoric times, as does the Flintstones’ house, apparently) who tells them to just hit the North Pole and get a toy refill.  They drop by and the elves just whip up a whole new batch of toys without complaint so the journey can continue.  Then they wrap up their route by just dumping the toys at the houses for the rest of the night, rather than actually entering the houses and leaving them under the trees, the animators and producers wanting to get this turkey over with as fast as Fred and Barney.  Oops!  They’re late for the work thing where Fred was playing Santa and the boss and wives will be mad!  Warning: extremely dated wives being mad at oafish husbands humor.  Oh, don’t worry, they make it.  I’m getting bored just recapping this.  Overall: really bland and boring and adding nothing to the Christmas specials canon. Skip it.

Olive, the Other Reindeer

Hadn’t seen this one before.  Turned out to be a lot of fun.  The story is about Olive the dog, who hears on the radio that Blitzen is injured and won’t be able to fly, possibly meaning that Santa will have to cancel his trip, unless he can make it with “all of the other reindeer.”  Mishearing this as “Olive the other reindeer,” she undertakes a journey to the North Pole to help out.  She makes a friend–Martini, the somewhat crooked sales-penguin–and an enemy, an evil mailman bent on getting Christmas canceled so he can be relieved of his annual holiday catalog burden.  The show was consistently funny and imaginative.  Really interesting animation.  Lots of great voices: tons of people from Futurama, Michael Stipe as Blitzen.  Overall: a good one that seems underrated, keep an eye out for it.

Yo Gabba Gabba!

If you were to tell me I am too old for a TV show, particularly a holiday special, I would tell you to guess again.  Though once in a while you would be right, and this is one of those times.  I’ve only seen a few episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba! because I am most definitely too old for it.  It’s worth a laugh though, anyway.  For a while.  It gets a little tedious unless you are four and dancing along, I think.  From a 33-year-old eye, it’s just pretty crazy.  Lots of colors and bizarre songs and stories that feel like they were made up on the spot by kids (wait–they probably were).  The holiday special is only sort of a holiday special.  It’s the usual YGG! fare but with some winter and gift-giving stories.  The creatures all apparently like both of these things.  Well, to be clear, the robot didn’t like winter at first, but his friends’ song convinced him it was all good.  Overall: pass.  Unless you are four.

We are watching many holiday specials this year through the magic of Christmas (and Tivo).

A Very Special Family Guy Freakin’ Christmas

I don’t like Family Guy much but I happened to see a bit of this a few years ago and have to admit it’s got some good things going for it.  Namely, the interspersed Kiss Saves Christmas fake Christmas special bits.  Those alone are worth the time spent watching it and navigating the otherwise hit-and-miss humor that is standard Family Guy fare.  Read: the comic timing is amazing but no show is more willing to trade clever for crass.  Overall: just in over the line of being worth the short time investment.

Frosty the Snowman

I haven’t seen this for years, if ever.  Love the corny animation and narration by Jimmy Durante.  It’s really for kids and a fittingly random plot ensues where the kids use a magician’s hat to bring Frosty to life, then the magician wants his hat back and therefore becomes the bad guy.  Most of the events in the show are dictated by Frosty being too warm or his human companions being too cold, and the ultimate lesson is that Frosty can’t be with people or he will die.  But he never really dies, because he’s magic, or Christmas is, I think.  Also there are extended bits with Hocus the rabbit hamming it up.  Overall: Watch it.  Lovable but weird.

Scrooged

Hadn’t seen this one in a while, but still found it really enjoyable.  The corporate humor made more of an impact on me this time around, which just gave it another layer.  It’s really a great update to the classic story, with a good balance of keeping important things from the original but modernizing other parts.  The frequently-running AMC version cuts out a fair number of funny (though nonessential) bits so watch through another medium if possible.  Lots of good cameos.  Overall: still really good.