Two today! The first is for wall maps. I love wall maps! In college I decorated my wall with a huge collage of National Geographic maps. I am immediately interested in this offer. Let’s find out more.

A Delaware-based company, the reputably-named ACCURATE MAP CO. (there are an awful lot of capital letters crammed onto this defenseless piece of paper) wants to sell me North Carolina wall maps. But I could instead choose any city, state, county, or foreign locale. I am very excited by the prospect of lamination being available for writing on these maps, which is advertised as a “write-on, wipe-off surface.”

• Use of clip art? A business guy pointing out a map of North Carolina, who informs me such maps are “GREAT FOR BUSINESS”.
• Is there a website I could use to get more information, considering this is 2011? Oh goodness no. You have to call.
• Can I stash this ad away for a later time in which my demand for laminated wall maps has reached a critical point of need? You may not! This is a “ONE TIME FAX OFFER ONLY”.

The second ad is for “Finally, Affordable A+ Rated Health Insurance!” Here, we are opting for a Whole Lot of Title Case Rather Than Pure Capital Letters. Except, wonderfully, when it mentions COBRA coverage, which as an acronym should be capitalized, but is instead written just as “Cobra”.

• Use of clip art? A happy family, gathered around the dinner table, enjoying their meal and the knowledge that they have a top-tier insurance plan.
• Is there a website I could use to get more information, considering this is 2011? Oh goodness no. No phone number either. You are awkwardly instructed to fill out the form and “Fax To Our Computer Fax”.
  • OK, but is it at least a local number? Nope! Long distance.
• So do they mean: those with COBRA coverage, or some sort of insurance against cobras? It is but a tantalizing mystery.

At a glance, the insurance services offered are everything you could ask for and I don’t see what could possibly go wrong…oh wait. Should I be concerned that the company never provides a phone number, address, website, or e-mail address? Or, as it happens, its name? Should I worry that my potential health insurance provider has overlooked multiple typos (unless there is such a thing as “-Xrays”)? And is a “computer fax” the same thing as a regular fax?