The visor is a long story. Please try to disregard it.22. Space Seed. The classic Khan episode more appreciated today as a prequel to Star Trek II. (Though season one pre-dates Chekhov’s arrival on the ship and raises the question of how Khan would recognize him later on.) This one’s puzzling. It’s great but I have trouble with it. Good news first. It’s a well-structured episode and makes for great sci-fi, it’s tense and suspenseful, it has a spectacular guest character and good moments between the regulars. There’s a really interesting introduction to the apparently amok 1990s, which Trek writers predicted to be a time of eugenics and warfare, rather than the time of pogs and big round glasses that would actually come to pass. Shatner and Montalban provide take turns milking their lines, particularly when sharing scenes. The problem is that the whole McGivers-Khan relationship is so weird it’s almost too uncomfortable to watch. She’s a well-educated historian who immediately falls for Khan so thoroughly that she’s willing to betray the Enterprise and give up her entire life. (Not that she’s the first or the last Trek character to do either of those things.) Khan bullies and intimidates her, which she puts up with, introducing a creepy abusive relationship angle. It’s implied that Khan is irresistible, and obviously he’s a bad guy and she’s scared, but it largely comes across as him being the bad boy she can’t help but like. I guess when they got around to STII they made a point to ensure he was really sad about her passing, like they had a good situation after all. But sheesh. Anyway I should probably also pick on the way Khan takes over the ship. McGivers’ betrayal helps but it certainly relies on the Enterprise’s usual lax security: easy access to engineering, sensitive technical documents readily available on the ship’s computer, incompetent security guards. But it’s all set up well, too. Montalban’s performance is awesome, so Khan is very believable as a kind of unstoppable superman. Killer Spock line: “I don’t understand why it always gives you pleasure to see me proven wrong.” Overall: probably a 5 out of 5 except for the creepy stuff, depending on how your reaction to that.

Trek tropes:

  • Strange probe encountered in space
  • Recent Earth history will always be relevant
  • Even in interstellar space, the best way to resolve problems is with your fists
  • Enemy allowed easy access to highly sensitive area of the ship
  • Guest star abandons life for new existence

23. A Taste of Armageddon. Straightforward Kirk-says-humanity-rules episode. The crew comes in contact with a civilization engaging in an endless war, only it’s not a real man’s war, like Kirk would endorse, what with the trenches and dying in the mud, but something with computers or some crap. The two combatants have agreed that they’ll just simulate the war, and whomever the computer says died has to report to a disintegration chamber. That way, the war doesn’t take the whole culture out with it. I guess it adheres to a sort of bizarre logic. Spock even kind of admires it. But you wonder why the heck they’re bothering to fight. If you respect the other culture that much, why are you fighting? They step over the actual cause and nature of the dispute, and what it’s bothering to accomplish anymore, which is kind of an important detail, you know? Basically the episode is Kirk being pretty angry about the whole idea and working to subvert it. And I guess…we’re not doing the Prime Directive anymore? Later maybe? OK. Killer Spock line/ruse: “Sir, there’s a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.” Overall: 3 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

  • In the future, computers are magic, but still make teletype sounds
  • Spock displays Vulcan superpower never really seen again
  • Invisible Space Powers
  • Violation of Prime Directive

24. This Side of Paradise. (AKA The one with the spores.) The Enterprise visits a colony planet where they fear everyone will be dead on account of its exposure to deadly space rays. Instead they find a surprisingly functioning colony with perfectly healthy people. Only they are all a little too healthy–no one has even the slightest malady and things like removed appendixes have grown back. Kirk ponders, “How could they be alive?” Sulu chimes in uselessly, “Is it possible that they’re not?” WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. The secret is discovered soon enough, as crew members start running into some native spores, which gives them each a case of the sillies. McCoy is particularly affected, as he becomes a gross caricature of a southern doc who wants only to be lazing about under a tree downing mint juleps. But Spock gets the worst of it. He ends up frolicking with the colony’s only woman and hanging upside down from a tree branch, giggling. So everyone under the influence decides the slow farming life is perfection, and they start donning green jumpsuits and skipping out on their Federationly duties. Of course Kirk is the last to succumb to being spored, so he ends up being the one lonely guy back on the ship who just doesn’t feel like partying. He rants that perfection isn’t all that perfect, because what is man good for without challenges, without ambition? This angry resistance turns out to be the seed uh, root? SOURCE of his ability to fight off the spores, as he discovers that strong emotions counteract the effect, because of course they do. He tries to get Spock back first, resulting in a glorious scene of Kirk hurling all manner of insult at Spock for a good cause, until he’s riled up enough to take a swing and Kirk and break the spores’ spell. Then they concoct a plan to bathe the colony is some kind of subspace emotion beam to break everyone else. It works great: everyone gets all mad for a few minutes (Sulu and another guy get into a shovel fight, like, immediately) until their heads clear and everything resolves. All in all, it’s a fun, silly episode, though not terribly new territory for the series. Maybe the most common plot in the show is: everyone gets some kind of space madness for a while, only Kirk and/or Spock can resist because they’re so darn awesome, then they fix things.

A few observations:

  • Not a banner episode for female characters. There is evidently only one woman in the entire colony, and even after she’s de-spored she acts basically the same. Which is to say, the spores make you all girly and lovey, so if you’re already a girl, well, it doesn’t really matter if you’ve got spores or not.
  • Spock trivia: (1) He reveals he has an unpronounceable other name. (2) The “Vulcanian” Watch continues, as this is still the preferred term for his race. Not sure when they become simply “Vulcans” but I think it’s pretty soon.
  • I was sure this would be a “lighthearted banter ending” episode but it ended on a surprisingly morose tone with Spock’s “For the first time, I was happy” line. I don’t think that even makes sense. Usually Spock is deeply embarrassed by emotions. I guess that’s not established yet. Or it’s a “Vulcanian” thing.

Killer Spock line: “Emotions are alien to me. I’m a scientist.” Because…scientists are actually a non-emotive alien species? Better than any line might be his goofy smile when he first encounters Kirk after being spored. Overall: a nice mix of science mystery and silly. 4 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

  • Kirk Spock old flame
  • Only Kirk can truly make command decisions
  • Even in interstellar space, the best way to resolve problems is with your fists
  • The indomitable human spirit conquers all

25. The Devil in the Dark. I haven’t been too conscious of each episode’s setting, but it’s hard to ignore the environmental transition this time. After the last nice sunny outside episode, we spend this whole hour in a cave. The dreary atmosphere matches the set. It starts with a security guy taking over his shift, seriously concerned that he won’t even live through it because a “monster” is on the loose. His boss assures him he should be OK, but of course he’s killed before Boss Man even gets out of the cave. The Enterprise arrives to help, and the deaths are gruesome enough by description–guys get “burned to a crisp”–but McCoy piles on the horror by discovering that’s it’s more like they’re hurled into acid and corroded. So yeah, the whole situation is pretty terrifyingly icky, but the setup helps shape what turns out to be an outstanding episode. Regular Trek viewers can probably guess the gist of the plot, as Kirk and Spock eventually corner the creature and gain an understanding of it to resolve the situation. But the execution is the real strength here. Similar to “Arena,” this is an episode I really dig but I wonder if it works for a modern audience. I don’t really care about TOS’s cheesy effects, but to buy into this episode you need to get past the horta’s appearance, because it looks like a gross rubbery blanket spackled with charcoal and frosting. It’s undeniably weird but it actually works, I think. It makes it seem seriously foreign. The latter half of the episode, where they actually communicate with it, becomes interesting for its weirdness, because you really don’t know what to expect. I’m tired of episodes like “The Squire of Gothos” where they’re trying to deal with some spacey nutball of marginal sanity. This is just good sci-fi.

Miscellaneous notes:

  • Spock really likes this silicon ball that the head miner is keeping in his office. Of course, part of the reason he’s fascinated with it is because he correctly guesses what it really is, but the guy can’t keep his hands off it.
  • Love this incredibly scary scene with Kirk lining up six redshirts to send them into the monster’s cave and telling them that 50 men have died and he doesn’t want any more death. “Don’t die, redshirts! That’s an order!”
  • Fantastic conversation between Kirk and Spock to set up their motivations as they venture into the caves. Spock believes the creature is the last of its kind, so he’s itching to capture it rather than kill it, even though he acknowledges that the most logical action is to kill this mind-bogglingly dangerous menace. So Kirk starts trying to give him different jobs to keep him out of the way, but he can’t win a logical argument with Spock, who even goes so far as to cite the (what he claims to be) accurate (and very long) odds of them both being killed at once.
  • And as they venture into the deadly caves where 50 men have been burned to crisps, I can’t help but realize that this episode really, really challenges the accepted fiction that it’s necessary for the Captain and First Officer to be on away missions.
  • Lately I’ve just been watching the show on Netflix rather than get out the DVDs. It saves a bit of hassle and the picture’s a bit better. But Netflix has the restored versions, in which some of the special effects are updated. They tend to be hands-off with the updates, only tinkering with scenes without actors, such as the scene transitions where it’s just the ship orbiting a planet. They certainly could have gone all-out and changed rubber-suited creatures to CGI or something. I’m sure there was little monetary reason to go to the trouble, but even if it was just an aesthetic decision, it was the right call, to my thinking. But I’m a Muppet Yoda guy, too.
  • It’s not really clear why the horta doesn’t immediately kill Kirk when they first encounter each other, but a lot of the believability of the episode hinges on this. Kirk is seriously not alarmed by the thing being ten feet from him even though it has instantly killed every other person it’s come in contact with. The positive way to interpret things is that this particular horta has the same Captain’s intuition that Kirk does, and can sense that working out a resolution is the right thing to do.
  • The space miners turn out to be very understanding guys in the end. They are totally fine with letting the horta live in peace when they could easily just kill it. Because let’s face it: at least in modern times, mining and similar industries are not exactly open-minded when it comes to environmental concerns standing in the way of their business. Although certainly the huge profit potential of the horta helping them out sways them. I guess if endangered owls sawed down trees and after nesting in them, the lumber industry would like to partner with them, too.

Killer Spock line: “I have already given Dr. McCoy sufficient cause for amusement. I would prefer to cogitate the possibilities for a time.” Overall: Good suspenseful skiffy episode with some surprisingly advanced ideas, even if they do take a back seat to the suspense and horror bits. 5 out of 5 from me but an open question whether a non-Trek fan would find it interesting or just too weird.

Trek tropes:

  • Anonymous redshirt killed
  • Lighthearted banter to close episode

Oh man was I looking forward to this one. I love Pumpkin Ales. Easily my favorite beer variety, and also proof that summer has died and is dead.

The contenders

The contenders

A little pumpkin ale rant

Some pumpkin ales intend to be all about pumpkin flavor. Others try to do a lot of things, while mixing in some pumpkin flavor. I appreciate both, but definitely prefer the former. I like pumpkin anything. Pumpkin bread, latte, etc. Wait all year for it. Never get sick of it.

But this is not everyone, as became clear when we tried to decide what varieties to test out. The internet frequently does not know what it’s talking about when it comes to pumpkin ales. I don’t know how many reviews I read that started with “I don’t really like pumpkin ales, but…” WHY ARE YOU REVIEWING PUMPKIN ALES ON THE INTERNET, person who does not like pumpkin ales?

The thing is, I understand that pumpkin ales are not for everybody. So maybe if I was someone who didn’t really love the pumpkin flavor, I would seek out the opinion of someone who felt the same. I guess? Wait, this is stupid, too. Why would I even drink them if I don’t like them? Maybe I want to learn to like them. Maybe I want to know what the fuss is about. Wouldn’t I want to read a review that started with “I don’t really like pumpkin ales, but…” and ended with “…and this was the pumpkin ale that changed everything.”

Well anyway, I am not that person. I am a person who is obsessed with pumpkin ales, and I want to know the pumpkiniest pumpkin ale available. I want reviews that start with “I’ve tried all kinds of pumpkin ales and actually, am a well-known pumpkin farmer and home brewer…” (and go on to say “and I have free pumpkin ale for you, Josh Wilson”).

The contenders

After much debate and soul-searching:

  • Southern Tier Pumking – The undisputed internet champion, though I’d never had it. We had a little trouble finding this one. It gets scooped up fast, where available. After striking out at one craft beer shop, we called another before heading home. They said they had just a few left. We went there directly and bought two.
  • Shipyard Smashed Pumpkin (Pugsley’s Signature Series) – Another strongly-reviewed imperial pumpkin ale. The regular Shipyard variety didn’t have strong reviews, so we skipped it.
  • Harvest Time – a local favorite from Big Boss. I considered this my favorite pumpkin ale going in. Very nice, crisp pumpkin flavor.
  • Dogfish Head Punkin Ale – Very well-respected. Definitely in the category of “a whole bunch of flavors, and also pumpkin” though.
  • Blue Moon Harvest Moon – Mixed reputation. I actually kinda like this one and was curious to see how it would stack up against the more crafty varieties.
  • Sam Adams Harvest Pumpkin Ale – Another national brand. Hadn’t tried this one before. It came in a Sam Adams fall variety pack so we included it.

I felt pretty sure we could pick out the imperial varieties, based on the witbier test experience, and also because they had about twice the alcohol as the others. Most pumpkin ales are around 5%, and the imperials were 9-10%. The Dogfish Head could make things tricky though, sitting right in the middle around 7%.

Testing was performed by me and K, plus her brother and his girlfriend.

The results

As a group we preferred the more pumpkin-focused entries, so no surprise, the consensus winner was indeed Pumking. It had a really wonderful intense pumpkin flavor–its cup even smelled like buttery pumpkin pie crust. Pretty strong, too, but it adds to the overall flavor, I thought. We all liked this one a lot. If you can find it, get it.

Testing pumpkin ales

Note: snacks.

Wide agreement on Big Boss Harvest Time as the runner-up. One voter put this in first place, preferring the slightly mellower flavor to Pumpking’s tasty assault. This is a great lower-cost, easy to get (if you live in The NC, anyway), tasty pumpkin beer. Very nicely flavored. They clearly have an idea of what they want in a pumpkin ale and make it happen. It just so happens that I agree with their vision.

Rankings were more mixed further down the list. Everyone was pretty happy with Harvest Moon, and it placed third or fourth for everyone. It’s a solid, middle-of-the-road pumpkin ale that has the advantage of being available everywhere at least through Halloween. I think the internet generally hates this beer, but I submit that its branding plays against it for most craft brew drinkers.

Dogfish Head Punkin did well with hoppy-beer lovers (K and I, to be specific), not so much with others. It’s a little stronger-flavored. I actually wasn’t sure if it was one of the imperials at first. It’s not all that pumpkin-y, for sure. If you like a little but not a lot of that, with an overall strong flavor, this is a good choice. Sam Adams did pretty well for tasters who didn’t like the stronger hoppiness of Dogfish Head. They seem to be trying to do the same thing, though.

Shipyard Smashed Pumpkin was an oddball. It was definitely distinct. Strongly pumpkin, but sort of odd. If you’ve ever been tempted to taste canned pumpkin before it’s cooked, it tastes a little, I don’t know, soapy? It’s definitely weird. It needs to be infused with sugar and butter and cooked for it to be really edible, is what I’m saying. Shipyard Smashed Pumpkin kind of had a trace of that uncooked pumpkin flavor. None of us especially knew what to make of it. For the price, not really worth it.

Anyway, these tests are always educational. Either we learn that we can’t tell things apart, or we verify that we know what we’re talking about, and it’s good to know which is the case. I think the biggest takeaway with this test was that we found out we know our pumpkin ales. We guessed which all six were during testing. They are all pretty distinct, and that helps.

Not sure about the next test. Nothing planned at this point. It’ll be a good time for porters or stouts, soon, so maybe that.

Delicious Science I taught us that beer snobbery is good and right. Delicious Science II taught us that good beer is good. Delicious Science III taught us to care about the health of our beer. Also to read labels.

The Contenders

Six witbier bottles

L to R: Allagash White, Natty Greene Wildflower, Unibroue Blanche de Chambly, Weeping Willow Wit, Big Boss Blanco Diablo, Sam Adams Imperial White

We initially set out to do a wheat beer test, not really knowing what we were getting ourselves into. There isn’t just “wheat beer.” There is dark wheat and light wheat. There are German, Belgian, and American varieties (among others). If you list out ones you can think of that you like, you have a really long list really fast.

Anyway, after an initial research period learning just how much we didn’t know about wheat beer, we discussed doing a test that would include a sample of each variety – such as two American wheats vs. two hefeweizens vs. two witbiers (Belgian style white). Ultimately, though, we realized the ones we were most interested were almost all witbiers, so we decided to focus on that.

We had a small group of friends join the tasting this time, and after some discussion came up with a list of competitors:

  • Natty Greene Wildflower Wit (local to The NC)
  • Mother Earth Weeping Willow Wit (local to The NC)
  • Big Boss Blanco Diablo (local to The NC)
  • Unibroue Blanche de Chambly
  • Allagash White
  • New Belgium Mothership Wit Sam Adams Imperial White

Mothership Wit had to be omitted because…it doesn’t exist anymore. K and I remember enjoying this one and wanted to include it in the test, but learned it’s been retired. So we included a Sam Adams entry out of respect for the brand’s win in Delicious Science I.

The Tasting

Two of the entrants ended up being written off immediately, for different reasons.

Six beers and six people means, like, 100 glasses

Six beers and six people means, like, 100 glasses. Some of our friends brought these spiffy tasting glasses, though.

Beer #3 was, without mincing words, horrible. One nice taster said, “I don’t know if I like this.” I was mean and said it was like drinking beer out of an ashtray. I wasn’t being silly. It really did taste like I’d accidentally sipped from the bottle in which people have been putting their cigarettes out. Some of us finished our sample, some didn’t, but everyone said it was pretty poor.

On the other end of the spectrum, everyone liked Beer #6, but it was way darker, way stronger, and had a much different complexion than any of the others. Here’s where I learned an important lesson about reading labels. Or I guess more accurately, about understanding labels. I didn’t really know what “Imperial” meant, but as our expert taster (the guy who Knows Stuff about beer) pointed out, it means some pretty significant things. Like, that it makes a beer darker, stronger, and gives it a different complexion. So he couldn’t help but out it as the Sam Adams.

So, the remaining four comprised the crux of the test.

The Results

Our consensus winner ended up being Mother Earth Weeping Willow, a local favorite. Five of the six tasters rated it the best. There wasn’t a huge variety in tastes among the four, it was mostly a matter of degrees. They all tasted good and had similar flavors, this one just had more. The remaining top vote–not incidentally, from the expert among us–went to Allagash White.

Snacks!

Many snacks were consumed.

Opinions were mixed with regard to the ordering of the others. I personally put Allagash second, but there was a contingent of votes for Natty Greene Wildflower Wit as runner-up. I found it a bit watery, but others liked that aspect of it, feeling like it was a good, straightforward beer that was just doing what it was supposed to, without fancying up the joint.

#3 ended up being Big Boss Blanco Diablo. BUT, as a group we’d all had this one and felt that something was simply wrong with our sample. We bought a couple of single bottles from Total Wine, and there’s a good chance we just bought some old ones or Total Wine hadn’t exercised particularly good care in monitoring their well-being. Whatever the reasons, this test doesn’t really reflect on Blanco Diablo. (It probably reflects more on Total Wine, actually.) K and I will probably pick up some fresher samples and test them independently against at least Weeping Willow, just to round out the testing.

Lessons

  • If you’re in The NC and haven’t had any Mother Earth beer, it’s worth your time. We’ve been fans, but this was some nice confirmation. All of their varieties are good.
  • Elsewhere, Allagash is a good pickup but I’m not sure how easy it is to find. I don’t know that there’s a good national witbier, which reinforces the sad loss of Mothership Wit.
  • Six samples was the upper limit we established with the brown ale test, but it has another benefit, too. If a few samples go awry for some reason, you still have good sample for testing. So it’s probably an ideal number to establish both high and low limits.
  • I have a lot to learn about wheat beers.

18. Arena. I'm the captain of a whole starship. I don't NEED to close my mouth.Arena asks you to reflect on your feelings about vengeance. Arena asks what justice is worth. Arena asks if you’re a proponent of ironic punishments. Arena asks if you will continue to watch, and genuinely like, an old TV show that features a creature with a truly ridiculous mask, costume, and roar. Arena asks, “Who would win in a fight between a really strong thing that’s super slow, and a relatively weak thing that’s much faster?” Arena asks if you can recognize white powders merely by glancing at them on a monitor. Arena asks if you know the chemical composition of gunpowder. But mostly, Arena is a test of whether or not you will like classic Trek. Universally accessible themes and iconic characters BUT a reliance on special effects that are cheesy but still highlighted as though they are not, highly questionable science (but at least an attempt at it), and lots of fightin’/scrappin’. This is what Trek IS. You like all of those things unironically or you do not like the show.

Me, I LOVE Arena. To me, it’s one of the Three Classic Iconic Episodes of the show, with Amok Time and The Trouble With Tribbles. But I know it’s got some problems. The Gorn is really laughable. The puzzle element to it is terrific, but the “clues” for it are pointless.

My main question about Arena is: does it belong in the category of things that you cannot begin to like as an adult? You either experience them growing up, and earn a soft spot for them, or you don’t, and by the time you’re old you’re not going to be able to appreciate them. I think Monty Python and the Holy Grail and video games are things like this. I suspect Arena is, too.

Killer Spock line: none. But I love when he’s watching Kirk’s battle on the monitor and sees the scattering of white powder, and instantly knows how to win the fight. What? I don’t know a lot about chemistry, but I know there are an awful lot of things that come in the form of white powder. Plus we better gloss over that if everything was a test of ingenuity, Vulcans would completely destroy humanity. Overall: 5 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

  • Anonymous redshirt killed

19. Tomorrow is Yesterday. A memorable time travel-story, and pretty fun, but chock full of logical flaws that derail it. Classic Trek has a way of doing stuff like this that drives me crazy. They acknowledge the moral dilemmas and spend lots of dramatic time debating things, then go right ahead and mess everything up anyway. See: every episode that deals with the prime directive. Also see: this episode, and any discussion related to not letting the 20th-century dudes know about their futures. For instance, Spock, after venting all kinds of concerns about letting Capt. Christopher know anything about the future, goes ahead and lets him know they need to get him back to Earth because he’ll be having a son down the road. Kirk & Co. realize it’d be better to just keep the next guy they accidentally beam up in the transporter room. Eventually they realize they can just Vulcan neck pinch everyone and save themselves a lot of hassle. I don’t even want to get into the crazy getting-back-to-the-present physics. But then again, they have laid the groundwork for how easy it is to accidentally time travel if you have a starship. Killer Spock line–McCoy: “Shouldn’t you be working on your time warp calculations, Mr. Spock?” Spock (apparently just standing around): “I am.” Overall: 3 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

  • Recent Earth history will always be relevant
  • In the future, computers are magic, but still make teletype sounds
  • Highly experimental plan with low probability of success somehow works anyway
  • Lighthearted banter to close episode

20. Court Martial. A very strong entry for Trek: unusually tightly plotted, and a good character piece for most of the principals. Mostly I just have notes for this one.

Fun stuff:

  • The Lawyer (Elisha Cook) is awesome. He goes on this great rant about how great books are, because it’s the only way you can really find anything and computers are terrible. His skill at digging the context and meaning out of books has made him the lawyer he is. I couldn’t agree more*.
  • Kirk has a Starfleet Citation for Conspicuous Gallantry. That is just the best.
  • I like how Spock proves the computer is malfunctioning by defeating it multiple times at space chess. (There’s an editing snafu there, for fun, or which contributes to his victory–he makes two moves in a row.)
  • Uhura takes over piloting the ship during an emergency. This is a pretty huge deal, and it’s too bad they don’t do more with this. I mean, if she’s capable of piloting the ship, that implies that her position as communications officer is a choice, right? All too often they portray Sulu or Spock as being mega awesome and Uhura as a glorified secretary, so this was good to see.

Weird stuff:

  • Everyone’s really upset about the death of some crewman, which is odd because a redshirt dies in like every episode.
  • Kirk has a special button on his Captain’s chair, right where his hand rests, specifically for jettisoning an important pod. Don’t accidentally hit the “jettison pod” button that’s located right at your fingertips! It will lead to a court martial! And sure enough, it sure does cause him some trouble! (This should be the plot for a Red Dwarf episode rather than Trek, I think.)
  • Kirk boasts that the computer can boost audio by “One to the fourth power.” One to the fourth power is, uh, one, Mr. Conspicuous Gallantry.
  • Finney is supposedly Kirk’s classmate but is like 20 years older than Kirk.

I particularly like the Killer Spock Line this time around because they still haven’t established whether Spock is a “Vulcan” or a “Vulcanian”: “I am half Vulcanian. Vulcanians do not speculate. I speak from pure logic. If I let go of a hammer on a planet that has a positive gravity, I need not see it fall to know that it has in fact fallen.” Overall: 4 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

  • Anonymous redshirt killed
  • Kirk meets up with an old flame
  • In the future, computers are magic, but still make teletype sounds
  • Enemy allowed easy access to highly sensitive area of the ship
  • Even in interstellar space, the best way to resolve problems is with your fists
  • Lighthearted banter to close episode

21. The Return of the Archons.

I briefly got K to watch Trek with me a few years ago, but she inevitably fell asleep whenever we watched. (60s TV pacing: she is no fan.) I have fallen asleep to my share of these, but “The Return of the Archons” did the trick quicker than usual. All I remember is that the crew runs around this Earth-like place just about forever trying to get a meeting with the alien leader. I was sort of dreading getting back to this episode, knowing it was pretty boring. So I’m not going to bother, and I’m moving on. Deal with it, Return of the Archons.

*Maybe relevant: I’m a professional librarian.

As much as we enjoyed the first Delicious Science, we wanted to test a set of beers that were part of the same class, so as to do more of a traditional taste test rather than an opportunity to stick it to the Macrobrewers of America. We like all the major varieties to some degree, so it was just a matter of picking what to try next. We went with brown ales.

The six contendersBrown ales have a lot going for them. They’re tasty. There are a lot of  good local, national, and specialty varieties. They are generally variations on a theme, so we expected they’d be interesting to compare.

The Contenders

We went with three locals:

And three others:

I was sad to omit a Moose Drool from Big Sky Brewery, one of my Montana favorites, but I live a few thousand miles too far from its point of origin these days.

The test would again be done by me, the lovely K, and her brother M.

Predictions

Unlike the lager test, I really had no idea what to expect. All of these are good! This would not be a confirmation that good beers are good and bad beers are…less good. This would be tough. I wasn’t sure I would even be able to identify any of the drinks except probably the Newcastle. I figured I would know that one, and like it the least, but I was genuinely prepared to be surprised. M and K had similar feelings, though M thought he’d be able to identify both Newcastle and Turbodog, which he cited as favorites.

The System

I won’t rehash the Setup, you can get a detailed explanation in Delicious Science I. But we did the same thing this time.

The Testing

tasting

K samples her drinks while the doomed snacks await their fate.

We pretty quickly realized we were going to need some snacks to keep our palettes cleansed between tastings. On the first pass, I was flummoxed trying to differentiate them.

The snacks helped, but we all spent several minutes carefully trying everything and making notes and generally shrugging a lot about trying to make any kind of guess about which beer was which. The colors were even hard to differentiate.

It was tough, as predicted. I felt pretty sure I knew which was the Newcastle, which I liked but definitively less than others, but wasn’t sure at all about what the others were. I had a definite favorite, though, and guessed it was Dogfish Head. The other four were tough to tell apart. After lots of tasting and palette-cleansing, I picked one as my second-favorite, but still struggled to decide between the other three.

The Results

The lager results were interesting but we largely knew what they all were, with just a few twists. This time, the reveal was a lot more informative.

K and I agreed completely on the order (we are pretty much beer twins, it seems, which is odd considering the differences in our non-beer palettes). There was a clear favorite and second favorite, both were hoppy and flavorful. Then three grouped so close that did didn’t really matter (I ordered them, but it was nearly arbitrary), then a last. Like the last test, M didn’t like the hoppier entries, so he thought the two we liked best were the worst. He succeeded in ordering the others and said he felt pretty good about his placements.

Per K and I, the winner was Dogfish Head. It had an extra dimension that we liked a lot, making it more rich and malty than any of the others. We also agreed that Duck Rabbit was the second best. I managed to guess the brands correctly, with a fair degree of certainty about the DH, but getting the Duck Rabbit right was admittedly more of a guess. Having particularly fond feelings towards it, K had guessed that Sweet Josie might have been the favorite, and Dogfish Head the second favorite.

K didn’t order the next three because she felt they were so similar. I went ahead and ordered them, and they turned out to be: Sweet Josie, Bad Penny, Turbodog. But I didn’t feel strongly about that at all. If I tried them again right now, It might go in any other order.

Newcastle was the least-favorite. We both correctly guessed its identity. It’s a fine beer, but definitely distinguishable and not in the same league as the others.

M had an entirely different order. He rated Bad Penny the best, to his surprise. He went in feeling confident about Newcastle and Turbodog, both that he’d be able to pick them out and that he’d like them the best. They did place second and third, but he wasn’t able to identify them from among the others. Sweet Josie took fourth. He put Dogfish Head and Duck Rabbit fifth and sixth, and did not especially like their extra hoppy flavor.

LessonsFer shootin or rock throwin'-at

  • Brown ale is good, particularly Dogfish Head. Yes, have some. But you can’t really go wrong with any of these.
  • I was certain I’d be able to pick out Newcastle strictly by color. I thought it was a lot lighter. Nope. It comes in a clear bottle, and the rest come in brown. That’s probably all there is to it. They are all even more similar in color than they are in flavor.
  • K found a new respect for Duck Rabbit, which she hadn’t thought about much before. If you’re in The NC, give it a try.
  • Per my taste, if I have the option between Sweet Josie, Bad Penny, and Turbodog, I should pick the cheapest. Or bail on Turbodog and support the local guys. If you’re not in The NC, and you are curious what Bad Penny or Sweet Josie taste like, just have a Turbodog.

Next: we might do wheat beers if we get around to another test during the summer.