Finally, season 3 comes to a merciful end. I’m glad people look back on this show fondly, but the fact is, losing this version of it was really not anything to get in a huff over. Trek still retains its iconic style and did a lot of things that no other show had ever done, or even thought to do, but somehow all the life had been stripped out of it by this time. With no budget or support, most of the episodes come off as cheap or unoriginal or just plain boring. Below is a discussion of the last batch, then I’ll restart at the beginning and work up to where we started this whole mess. That will include the first season and just a couple of discs from the second.

76. The Cloud Minders. A favorite season three trick to generate suspense is the establishment of  some dramatic deadline right off the bat that will be conveniently employed and/or forgotten as the show progresses. McCoy will say something like, “The entire crew is infected with Space Dandruff.” Kirk asks, “How long do we have?” McCoy says, “No one can know. But things might start getting itchy in three hours unless we find a cure.” Deadline established! Ensue drama! Now the episode can progress within some set confines. The problems is that Kirk will take all kinds of liberties with it. He’ll take a few minutes to flirt with some local, but then things get boring so in the next scene he’s demanding everyone drop what they’re doing and help him because he only has 1.4 hours left. So it gets added and dropped at will. It just provides a convenient ticking clock for when one is needed. The problem with tricks like this is that you never actually need them. If the story has enough interesting components already, it’s just an extra thing to tack on, and why bother? If the story doesn’t, well, this isn’t the way to solve it. “The Cloud Minders” gets right at this idea. There is a lot of rich material here, so there’s no need to toss in some odd, unbelievable deadline to generate pace. The Enterprise arrives at a planet with a vital mineral needed to cure an epidemic elsewhere, and they need to get it fast. Only the internal strife on the planet keeps them from getting it. Kirk doesn’t have time for everyone to sort out their differences, he just needs him some zenite. The story has a lot to say about class systems and prejudices, and while one wouldn’t call it good, and it’s done in a much more effective way than the other recent attempt at Racism Bad (ep. 70, Let That Be Your Last Battlefield). Seems like there could have been more to that story and less to the arbitrary deadline bit. Although there have been episodes just like that, I think in TNG, where a planet wants entry to the Federation but they need to solve their own civil problems first. I think that’s another problem here: that TNG is really just much better at talky sci-fi, and could have done something more with this. TOS tries to work in some fistfights, of course, but why? Killer Spock line: any number of innuendos with this episode’s lead guest actress. That story, too, had lots of untapped potential. Overall: a good episode with a lot going for it, though it sort of misses its own point. 4 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Highly experimental plan with low probability of success somehow works anyway
• Violation of Prime Directive
• Even in interstellar space, the best way to resolve problems is with your fists
• The Enterprise is the only ship within range

77. The Savage Curtain. Weirdest episode of Star Trek ever? Let’s consider. The Enterprise arrives at an inhospitable planet. Suddenly the planet disappears. It is replaced by a floating entity in space. That entity? Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States. (SPACE LINCOLN!) He assures us, “I really AM Abraham Lincoln.” Which is enough to make Kirk believe. He agrees to have him aboard the ship, and insists everyone don full dress uniforms. Why? Because the crazy space president thinks he is Abraham Lincoln, and who knows what will happen if we don’t go along with it. Maybe Kirk has a point? So what’s really odd here is that from this utterly outrageous premise, the episode actually sways you. No, it’s not Lincoln, of course, but it’s a perfect replica. The planet’s inhabitant, some sort of rock creature that we never learn much about, even cooks up a habitable zone for Kirk, Spock, and Space Lincoln, and has further replicated a bunch of other historical figures. It’s gone from bizarre to intriguing. Then, in true TOS style, it degenerates into a bunch of fighting until time is up. Kirk, Spock, and the replicas all battle (Lincoln successfully beats up Genghis Khan, which I will assume is historically accurate). Then there is a bunch of running around and scrapping. Lincoln and the Vulcan good guy die, but they are fakes anyway, so who cares really. But then the four biggest bad guys in history retreat to regroup and the mysterious rock creature decides that’s good enough, and lets Kirk and Spock go. Then it ends. Wait, what? The range here is something to behold. Act I: Insane. Act II: Somehow Transformed Into High Intrigue. Act III: Snooze-inducing. For such an elaborate setup it’s a spectacular failure. This one was written by Gene Rodenberry himself, but I don’t understand what happened. For all the careful plotting to get them to the planet, there is just a bunch of fighting and absolutely nothing is explained or resolved. It’s a play on “The Arena” (I haven’t reviewed it yet but it’s a memorable classic) only without any rationale whatsoever. Killer Spock line: bleh. Nothing. Overall: 2 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Strange probe president encountered in space
• Recent Earth history will always be relevant
• Even in interstellar space, the best way to resolve problems is with your fists

78. All Our Yesterdays. Here is a season 3 thing: take the setup from an earlier season, but instead of resolving the story, mill around for 45 minutes until you run out of time. This episode even steals the “jump through the time time travel portal and become a slo-mo photonegative of yourself” effect. It makes me sad, really, because this episode was about a sort of space librarian and had a time travel thing going. Only it ended up going next to nowhere and put me to sleep. At this point, I have a quick metric for these episodes. Did I sleep? Yes? 3 points max. Did I stay awake? Yes? 3 points minimum. Unless I was too dumbstruck to sleep (e.g., The Way to Eden). So I don’t have a lot more to say about this one. Though it is yet another example of Spock giving in to his humanity and becoming all emotional and gooey. Gross. Killer Spock line: “It should be an equation! There should be a way to solve this problem logically.” Overall: sadly another season three all setup, no payoff whiff. 3 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Recent Earth history will always be relevant
• Badger alien until you get what you want

79. Turnabout Intruder. I’m sure by this point we can all name our favorite sexist episode of TOS. Certainly “A Private Little War” makes a good case. “The Lights of Zetar.” Maybe “Elaan of Troyius” depending on how you look a that one. Lots of episodes have their moments. I haven’t even gotten to the first season and its frequent instances of Yeoman Rand. And we all have our favorite alternate Kirks. We’ve had milquetoast Kirk and evil Kirk, and he’s been possessed by any number of alien entities. In “Turnabout Intruder” we get a little of both of these things. Kirk meets up with an old flame, who double-crosses him and uses an experimental machine to take over his body, solely so she can gain the power of starship command. Why didn’t she just go to Starfleet Academy and earn a captaincy? Oh goodness no, women can’t be captains, silly. Apparently there’s a rule. Way to wreck up three seasons of progress, Star Trek! Well anyway, TOS-ness aside, Turnabout Intruder ends up being a solid, well-paced, fun episode. It’s not a classic, but it’s a good send-off for the show. And it’s probably a pretty good capsule of the show, or at least season 3, in general. TOS doesn’t have any kind of overarching storyline so there’s nothing left hanging, and you could watch this show first or last, really. Killer Spock line: sadly nothing to send off the third season. Overall: kinda goofy but engaging. 4 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Kirk meets up with an old flame
• Shatner showcase
• Only Kirk can truly make command decisions

72. That Which Survives. At one point in this episode, Scotty informs Spock that he doesn’t know exactly why, but he can tell the Enterprise just isn’t running right. I have the same feeling about the show at this point. I can’t really put my finger on it, but it’s just…off.  I think one symptom of staleness in fiction is that characters are not really themselves anymore, they just become sort of caricatures of their most notable tendencies. I think maybe what happens is that the writers stop working to develop the character and start simply applying the formula.  Spock doesn’t just act logically, he acts REALLY logically and announces that he’s being logical constantly. He spends this entire show bickering with the crew about just how not logical they are. He says Scotty’s too emotional. He says the navigator isn’t precise enough. I feel like Spock had a sense of humor in the earlier episodes, and that’s disappeared. Of course, he wasn’t supposed to have a sense of humor, but he most certainly did, in a very Spockian way. See just about every Killer Spock Line I’ve posted. These days that wit is gone. It’s like when you crack a joke to someone in a rotten mood and they don’t laugh. Instead they say, “Chickens don’t cross roads.” And you know to stop talking. That registers as humorless. That’s Spock lately. This episode suffers as a result. It’s not much fun. Kirk, McCoy, Sulu, and a guest character (uh-oh) are checking out a mysterious planet. But it’s controlled by a computer which has gone rogue, kicking the ship 1000 light years away (or as Grouchy Spock insists, 990.9 or something) while Kirk and Co. try to figure out what the deal is with a mysterious woman who keeps appearing and trying to kill them. The stories were mixed. We didn’t really learn anything until we learned everything. There’s a little eye roll-inducing fake suspense built in (the necessary tool is jammed! oh wait, no, it isn’t!). Scotty and Spock had a number of interesting conversations, but I think they would have been more interesting two seasons ago. Killer Spock line: I dunno. There were a few things that were supposed to be clever Spock aphorisms or cute misunderstandings of human humor but they mostly whiffed. Overall: middle of the road, not especially bad but not memorable either. 3 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Anonymous redshirt killed (and a named blueshirt guest star, and some engineering drone–it was a tough day at the office all around)
• Highly experimental plan with low probability of success somehow works anyway
• In the future, computers are magic, but still make teletype sounds

73. The Lights of Zetar. Parallel to my Star Trek watching is my watching of Friday Night Lights with K. We find Friday Night Lights to be sort of trashy and very much a soap opera, but it is a marvel of pacing. We watch two episodes back to back and I still feel like I could sit through another one. I never look at the clock except to check to make sure I haven’t exceeded my age-and-employment-mandated bedtime. Meanwhile, recent Trek episodes are putting me to sleep in a seriously effective way. I had to re-watch the second half of “The Lights of Zetar” because I closed my eyes at some point and next thing I knew I was seeing the awkward closing scene banter. On the other hand, it’s not really fair to compare the two shows. Trek is cerebral and adheres to standard sixties TV pacing. FNL is more modern: fast and emotional and multi-threaded. I’d still say I like Trek better on the whole, but let’s face it, about half of the episodes are sleep fuel. Maybe I just want to like Trek better because it’s more to my aesthetic tastes and admitting I like a teen soap opera more sort of kills my already dubious credibility. I can’t argue against FNL being more entertaining, especially compared to some of these third-season Trek entries, but I think if Trek had had even a fraction of the FNL budget, the stories could have been deeper and the production value much better. Anyway, I’m taking my time getting around to the actual episode in question here, and the main reason is because this was frankly just a really forgettable episode. The execution was painfully slow. The story really needed to branch into more directions, and instead it just plodded along looking for things to do. The resolution makes little sense. If you want to defend Trek as a progressive show this is also not the best place to start. The guest star is possessed because (as a woman, presumably) she’s particularly “pliant” (luckily men are resistant and around to straighten her out). Scotty’s relationship with her is about as subtle (and, let’s face it, creepy) as his preening love of a good warp core. There simply isn’t anything to take away here other than the well-executed freaky possession voice. Killer Spock line: bleh. Nothing. Overall: 1 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Only Kirk can truly make command decisions
• Strange probe encountered in space
• In the future, computers are magic, but still make teletype sounds
• Highly experimental plan with low probability of success somehow works anyway
• Lighthearted banter to close episode

74. Requiem for Methuselah. At this point I’m frankly surprised when I hit the end of an episode and I’d lost track of time and was never threatened by sleep. Luckily we’re about to round back to the beginning of the series and this season of dismally rare coherence will be fully behind me. Bashing aside, “Requiem for Methuselah” is a standout among what we’ve slogged through lately and here’s to hoping it’ll perk me back up for the last bits of the season. The concept is really interesting and the story is well-done, with a few unexpected twists. There’s actually a lot of good sci-fi themes covered: AI, immortality, human nature in the future, should people date robots, and if so, is it cool to have a whole harem of them, even if most are de-activated and you live alone. Getting back to what I was thinking about regarding ep. 72’s Grouchy Spock, I didn’t feel like the characters were being forced on me anymore, they were just doing what they do, and everything fell into place. Of course one of the main things they do is that Kirk falls for every new woman he meets and this time around he gets particularly pushy about it, to the point of fighting other dudes that he thinks might have their eye on his girl. (At one point when Spock interferes, he yells, “Stay out of this, we’re fighting over a woman!”) Curious ending scene, however, and inconsistent with other episodes. So if Kirk is going to fall in love over and over they need to come up with ways for him to consistently leave it all behind and be ready for the next show. There was one recent show where Kirk was in love (I don’t remember which–I can’t even keep track of them all) where it was resolved that he’d be OK because his first love is the ship. But this time he is so enamored he ends the show with his head down at his desk in his room, crying to himself. Awww…but Spock erases his memory or something, so we’re all good. Killer Spock line: “It does appear to defy the male logic, as I understand it.” Overall: a strong episode not only for the third season, but for the series. 5 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Kirk hits it off with alien babe
• Violation of Prime Directive
• Spock displays Vulcan superpower never really seen again

75. The Way to Eden. This show was made in the late 1960s and addressed numerous progressive themes. Listen, if that’s your thing then at some point you need to address hippies. Here, we have space hippies, I guess. And this band has stolen a Federation shuttle and are raising hell throughout the galaxy, until they run into the Enterprise and accidentally blow up their ship trying to cheese it. Kirk gets them beamed aboard and tries to not be too much of a square (or a “Herbert” in space hippie vernacular) even though The Man is telling him to. There’s a lot of stuff about how it’s cool to be a free spirit when you’re young but all the Enterprise crew is older and wiser now and jobs are much better than the barefoot alternative, even if one can totally dig the music. Eventually we figure out that the leader is basically a nut and his followers are being led astray. We even learn that Spock is pretty much a hippie himself, and even jams with them a bit. But what we don’t learn are lessons like: is there a good reason to have a fully functional auxiliary bridge–that requires no piloting expertise of any kind–to be aboard a starship? And for that matter, if you did happen to have that, should you leave it unguarded and unlocked? Because it turns out that if you do, space hippies will just go right in there and use it to take over the ship and there’s nothing you can do about it. Anyway, I can’t say this was a good episode. In addition to frequent plot problems, the show had a lot more singing that I would like. I would say that I prefer the number of songs in my Star Trek episodes to be approximately zero. This episode, however, featured numerous musical interludes, complete with the crew really digging it inasmuch as grownups can enjoy anything, what with their slavish duty to employment and hygiene and clothing. In the end, clothing wins though, as it is the only thing protecting Kirk and Co. from the acidic plants encountered on their false Eden. The poor, barefoot hippies.But score one for clothing, so derided by the hippies earlier in the show. Killer Spock line gesture: a hapless shrug after attempting to talk some sense into those damn kids. [No one can tell me Spock’s not funny. No one.] Overall: not entirely unenjoyable, but just plain silly. 2 out of 5.

Trek tropes:

• Enemy allowed easy access to highly sensitive area of the ship
• Invisible Space Powers